Tonight, I listened to my very favorite song title's accompanying music for the first time ever. It's a song title that I've contemplated, very seriously, tattooing on me forever. It's a song title I've been in love with for over a decade. That title is “But Not Tonight” by the band Depeche Mode, but that's not how I knew it when I fell in love with the name.

 

Not Another Teen Movie came out in 2001. I was 14 and Limewire (or maybe it was Bearshare, who can recall?) was my jam. For whatever reason, while I was downloading songs one day, I came across the “Not Another Teen Movie” soundtrack. I guess I must have enjoyed the movie more than I remember because I looked up the tracklist. It was actually pretty great! But one track caught my eye: "But Not Tonight" by Scott Weiland (singer of Stone Temple Pilots, obviously). I remember instantly thinking that song's title was easily, with 100% certainty, the best song title I had ever read. I couldn't believe how perfect it was. Plus, I was pretty into S.T.P. back then, so I was intrigued. I downloaded it and burned it to a disk immediately.

 

Sometime down the road, probably after a few KoRn tracks, maybe a Limp Bizkit diddy and more than enough South Park .MP3s, I got to “But Not Tonight” and what do you know, the first 10 seconds were all that worked. So all I got was 10 seconds and the greatest song title ever. If you've ever heard the Weiland version (you'll get your chance soon enough) you know that 10 seconds is not much to go off.

 

Somehow, even though I'd never heard the song, that title has stuck in my brain for over 10 years. I can't explain it, but I absolutely adore it. It's so god damn versatile! I had never even heard the cover let alone Depeche Mode's recording. I put it off for years because I thought I'd be let down. I couldn't risk ruining something I loved so much. I am totally soft playing my love for that title here. I have kept that title in my mind for TEN YEARS without even hearing the song and I will eventually get it tattoo'd on me. I was 14 when I first read it and am now 27. I have lived half of my life since reading that title. Does that paint a picture of how dumb this scenario is for you? Some of you are nodding, thinking, "Taylor, it's even more dumb that you grasp!" I mean, I get it. It's super crazy, but what can a man do? The heart wants what it wants.

 

A few days ago, I was thinking a lot about that title at work, so I figured I'd at least look up the lyrics. It was risky. Lyrics are often times integral to my enjoyment. I was absolutely in love with "Cherub Rock" by Smashing Pumpkins... then I looked up the lyrics. "Who wants honey | As long as there's some money | Who wants that honey?"?! I don't know what the hell I thought he was saying all those years ago, but it was sure a hell of a lot better than that! I was afraid I was going to make a similar mistake. I pressed on. Here are the lyrics to "But Not Tonight":

 

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"But Not Tonight" 

by Depeche Mode

 

Oh God it's raining

But I'm not complaining

It's filling me up with new life

The stars in the sky

Bring tears to my eyes

They're lighting my way tonight

 

And I haven't felt so alive

In years

 

Just for a day

On a day like today

I'll get away from this constant debauchery

The wind in my hair

Makes me so aware

How good it is to live tonight

 

And I haven't felt so alive

In years

 

The moon

Is shining in the sky

Reminding me

Of so many other nights

But they're not like tonight

 

Oh God it's raining

And I'm not containing

My pleasure at being so wet

Here on my own

All on my own

How good it feels to be alone tonight

 

And I haven't felt so alive

In years

 

The moon

Is shining in the sky

Reminding me

Of so many other nights

When my eyes had been so red

I'd been mistaken for dead

But not tonight

 

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How beautiful is that?! Pretty great, right? I don't know anything about Depeche Mode, but I thought they'd be more depressing. This song is actually pretty uplifting! I particularly enjoyed “The stars in the sky | Bring tears to my eyes | They're lighting my way tonight”, as I've been unnaturally obsessed with the sky lately. I thought about leaving it at that. I got the greatest song title ever out of Depeche Mode already, but now they're giving me some solid lyrics too. Why would I go and be so selfish and listen to the song and potentially mess this up?

 

I could have just moved on, got my tattoo and lived out my years trying to explain the insanity of the tattoo to random people who would say things like, “wait, what's a Depeche Mode?” or question why I'd want to be associated with them if I didn't like the band or even know the song. I could have moved on and never listened to the track.

 

But not tonight.

 

Tonight, I listened to my very favorite song title's accompanying music for the first time ever.