So today, I was talking to this girl I've been kinda getting to know, slowly but surely. I was quite stricken by this girl in the beginning; she seemed sweet and nice shy and a little bit awkward for me. I was like, “Oh boy, I hit the Jackpot! An actual nice girl, who's cute and not aware of it! How wonderful”. So I take her on a couple dates and we play the “get to know each other game” while I try and hold back my A.D.D. riddled brain from projectile word vomiting all over this sweet girl. As the night progressed, I thought, “Hmmmm she's quite shy and quiet, frankly, the polar opposite of me... Maybe her shell will peel and I can find out that we have more in common”. As the dates progressed and the nights spent were kind of heating up, I slowly started to see more of her coming out of her shell. How exciting we have some similar music interest and well, she's... nice... and sweet... Okay, lets see where this goes.

 

The days keep going by, texting throughout the day, the “good mornings”, the “good nights”, I start to feel stuck in a loop. Almost like a flatline. She's just... well, rather dull. Yes, she's sweet and nice and cute, but damn, we really just don't have anything in common. So I start to think of reasons this ain't working. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm just not ready to commit? Maybe I'm not over past things? Then it dawned on me, “No, Jake, you're just not that into her and that's okay. You tried you've been nothing but nice and a gentleman. You haven't pushed anything or tried to persuade her into anything, its just some people aren't made for some people.

 

Now, I'm in a predicament. How do I let this girl down easy? I just don't want to feed this girl some bull shit lines. She has been nothing but sweet to me and she deserves the truth. But what do you say? “Ummm... Hey, sorry, but I find you kinda dull and there's just too many times of us just sitting here, in silence or its just me talking. Although I do love the sound of my own voice and going on tangents, you gotta give me something!”

Today, after a long Zen-like meditation on what to do, she texts me. My stomach curled, my eyes drooped. 'Okay, you got this Jacob. You got this.' As we're talking, I can feel her getting closer to where she actually wants the conversation to go, but when it finally gets there, I'm actually quite shocked. The short and sweet of it was, 'I feel you're losing interest' She goes on to say, 'and I feel that you're only wanting one thing'... Really? Really now?

 

So at first I just go on the defense. People, let me just state this now, me and this girl have never even slept together. I gather myself and explain to her where I'm coming from, as far as the losing interest aspect and how I don't see where she would get the feeling that I'm only looking for sex. Am I a 24 year old male, overflowing with testosterone? Yes sir! But does that place me in a box that just because I'm nice to you, take you on dates, buy the food, make sure you're having a good time, try and keep you entertained, pick you up, make sure I'm looking presentable for you, minding my manners... All that indicates I'm just looking for a quick hook up?! Now, I'm sure there are some dirtbags out there who put this amount of effort into it and play the 'nice guy' shit, but sorry ladies, not every man out there just wants to dazzle you and charm you just to see you naked. Do we appreciate seeing you naked?Absolutely! I will always stand by the fact that the most beautiful thing on this earth is a woman, hands down. And I appreciate the fact if you want to waste your time by giving me some love, that is a beautiful thing!

 

Did you ever think that maybe I'm attracted to you and I find your demeanor, how you carry, yourself quite cute and, sure, we fool around, it's just instinct? But if one or the other comes to the decision of, 'Shit, we just don't fit together like I thought we would', you cannot take that as, 'Oh, he only wanted me for one thing'! Again, the thing that never happened! I can't tell you how many times a girl, whom I truly liked and cared for and wanted to be with, just used me. But you don't hear any of those stories do you?

 

It all comes down to men and women, gay, straight, whatever, we all are looking for that partner in crime. Sometimes one feels it and the other doesn't, that's life, that's human nature. Does it suck? You bet your ass. Now, do I feel bad about this current situation? You know, I did, I really did, despite what view some people have of me, I do have quite a big heart and have been through a lot of bullshit and I hate making other people feel bad. But after basically hearing I just wanted sex, those feelings washed away and I came to terms that maybe she might just be a tish immature. If I really wanted a hook up, trust me, I'd find it and wouldn't spend the amount of time getting to know you and trying to break that shell to see if we were compatible. Its just kind of a sour taste in ones mouth when you're trying to be the good guy and not lead someone on after you've made up your mind, that you still get that “you're a jerk” shit. But what do you do? Everyone is going to feel what they feel and that's there prerogative.

 

Who am I or anyone to tell you how to feel? Just take these final words: there are some of us guys out there who do nice things just because we're nice. We want you to feel good about yourself, we want to show you a good time and that we appreciate that out of all the people in the world you could be talking to, that you took the time and decided to waste it with us.

 

Sorry for the rant. Blame my A.D.D. if I lost some points here and there. I just kinda Kerouac'd it [Editor's Note: I tried my best!].

 

Thanks for your time, if you actually sat and read this, I hope you have a wonderful day.