It's 2015, in an alternate reality. Taylor Hruby has just been named GM of the Cleveland Browns. There's a cloud of stinky, disgusting, failure surrounding the Brownies. He's here to change all that.

"Step one is to find the right coach."

 

Mike Pettine isn't going to cut it. The coaching search lasted all of 5 minutes. Brett Peiler, stepfather of Taylor Hruby, got the job. Many said it was unfair, “bullshit”, 'why would he pick his step dad?! He has no experience!', etc. What's done is done. It's Peiler's job to lose now, and the way coaches last in Cleveland, it won't be long before we're doing all this again.

 

The GM's next move was to get rid of Josh Gordon. The Browns trade WR - Josh Gordon and CB - K'Waun Williams to the Detroit Lions for WR - Golden Tate and MLB - Stephen Tulloch. The trade gives the Browns an upgrade at the position and gets rid of perennial headache, Gordon. Gordon will probably make a huge impact on the Lions, lining up next to Calvin Johnson, but the Browns will worry about that in the Super Bowl, if they ever get there. Williams and Tulloch were throw ins.

 

Next up, the Browns released FB - Malcolm Johnson and signed FB – Patrick Dimarco to a 1 year deal. This was a boon for the Browns. Johnson is a very low rated FB, while Dimarco was the 2nd best FB available and an immediate upgrade.

 

There are still glaring holes for the Brownies. They took one more step to address them by sending recent spare piece MLB – Tulloch and LOLB – Armonty Bryant to the Bengals for running back Jeremy Hill. To make room for this trade, the Browns released running back Glenn Winston.

 

Rumors that the Browns were looking to trade Manziel for reportedly “anything”, have been shot down by GM Taylor Hruby. “Those reports are pure garbage. Johnny's our QB. But you don't happen to know anyone who can throw, do you?”

 

In week 1, the Brownies took on the New York Jets.

 

Unfortunately, the game was played with 6 minute quarters and with accelerated clock on, so the stats are horrible. The NFL is investigating the matter.Take the stats with a grain of salt. Commissioner Goodell promises week 2 the clock will be fixed.

 

Browns v Jets – Week 1

110 | rush yards | 103

110 | pass yards | 88

1      | turnovers  |   3

 

The turning point of the game: After the Browns scored their first TD, on the ensuing kickoff, Christian Kirksey forced a fumble that the Brown recovered, giving them excellent field position. They never looked back.

 

Cleveland - 35

New York - 10

 

Week 2 the Cleveland Browns host the Tennessee Titans.

 

An 80 yard kick off return and a roughing the kicker penalty doomed the Brownies. Or so it would seem.

 

The first quarter was a near stalemate, with the Titans scoring on a field goal as the only score of the quarter. In the second quarter, the Browns allowed a touchdown. They answered with a touchdown of their own, but then, on the ensuing kickoff, Dexter McCluster, brought the ball all the way back to the 10 yard line, setting up another easy score. The Browns were rattled and it showed. Manziel took the field and immediately threw a pick, setting up another easy score. The Browns tacked on a field goal and the score was a bleak 24 to 10 at the half.

 

Coming out of the half, the Browns kicked off and the Titans marched right down the field. Using the “bend and usually break” defense that the Browns have become known for, they allowed the Titans to get to the 2 yard line, but, somehow, made a stand. A 4th down field goal from the 3 yard line was good. The Browns would get the … wait. What's that? Roughing the kicker on a non human controlled player? Perfect. The Titans get the ball and Mariota waltzes into the end zone. It's 31 to 10 and the Browns fans are heading for the exits. The Browns do manage to add a TD, but it's 31 to 17 as the 3rd quarter comes to an end.

 

Manziel rolls for a long 35 yard gain on the first play of the Browns next possession. Even the most optimistic Browns fan is probably sighing. However, a few plays later, the Brownies find the endzone on a Golden Tate catch. 31 to 24.

 

The Browns get another big stop, but the Titans get a field goal and it's 34 to 24. Johnny Football gets the rock back with a little over 2 minutes. They march down the field and Johnny hits Tate for his 2nd TD. 34 to 31. The Browns' D has shown up this second half, but the ghosts of the first half remain. They have all three of their timeouts.

 

Bishop Sankey gets the ball 3 times in a row, 3 times he gains less than 2 yards. The Titans are forced to punt it. All the Brownies need to do is get into field goal range. Johnny puts a few plays together and the Browns have the ball on their 40. Manziel fades back, sacked. Devestating. 3rd and long coming up. Manziel drops back, completes to Andrew Hawkins, but it's 4th and inches. There's only 32 seconds left on the clock and they're out of field goal range. The Browns need a yard, but need to get out of bounds. Johnny drops back, he scrambles, he SHAKES A TACKLER, he's got an open man, Hawkins...

 

drops it. And the Brownies lose game 2, 34 to 31.

 

Game stats:

 

Passing:

 

Manziel: 22 of 33, 283 yards, 3 TDs and a pick

Mariota: 10 of 15, 208 yards, 1 TD and 1 pick

 

Rushing:

 

Sankey: 22 attempts for 90 yards

Hill: 9 attempts for 26 yards

Mariota: 7 attempts for 7 yards and 2 TDs

Manziel: 4 attempts for 43 yards and 1 TD

 

Receiving:

 

Tate: 6 catches, 95 yards, 2 TDs

Douglas: 4 catches, 141 yards, 1 TD

Dimarco: 2 catches, 9 yards, 1 TD

 

Defense:

 

McCourty 1 INT

Haden: 1 INT

Casey: 2 sacks

Robertson: 1 sack

 

After the game, coach Peiler was clear: “Hill has to be better. We got away from him when we got down, but he's got to make a play. It was all on Johnny today. He did a good job, but we need more out of the rushing game. Our defense rebounded nicely, but they had a rough first half. Gonna be a tough week of practice coming up, hope the boys are ready.”

 

The Cleveland Browns are 1 and 1 and face the 2-0 Raiders in Cleveland next week.

 

**Technical notes: I fucked up and had the quarters to 6 minutes for the first game. They're at 8 now, with the lowest accelerated clock. It feels pretty good. Might go to 9, we'll see. Also, I wasn't going to do this project after 1 game, but I decided to do it anyway, so you'll notice game 2 had way more to it. I want to add videos of big plays, and I will, but for some unknown reason, the replays at the end of game 2 were greyed out... Look for highlights of game 3. Thanks for reading.**