Today is President's Day, so we sat down with PINM's Presidential elect Derek “Dickie” Barsgard and spoke to him about his campaign, his presidential goals, his ideas for a vice president and allegations of election fixing.

 

PINM - Well, first of all, congratulations. You ran a clean campaign and I think, along with your aggressive promotion, that is why you came out ahead. Was it important to you to represent your position fairly and respectfully?

 

Mr. President - Thank you, it took a lot of work to get the votes needed. I asked all of my Facebook friends and family to go vote for me. I sent the message and the link to PINM so many times I was actually flagged for spam, but that is part of the process. As far as your question, this was very important to me. I think people really respect honesty and integrity and I always do my best to hold myself to very high standards when it comes to those traits.

 

PINM - Clearly. I think you've shown that throughout the process. I've just received a reader question, I'll pass it along. "President Dickie, thank you for taking over the presidency of our fine website. I look forward to seeing what you will accomplish with your first term. What's the first thing you plan to do with your new found power? - Bill, Tennessee"

 

Mr. President - Thank you for the question, Bill. I have to say that Tennessee is a lovely state and I plan to get back there again soon. First thing I plan to do is to appoint a vice president, which that announcement may come at some point today. I think it is very important to have a core group established before we get ahead of ourselves and start making changes. I plan to take this one step at a time to ensure I am making the best choices possible for the people.

 

PINM - Other than appointing a Vice President, what would you say priority number 1 is for your time in office?

 

Mr. President - There are many issues that need to be addressed but I would say first and foremost, we need to unite the country. We are divided more than ever and I believe that we need to solve this issue before we can move on. Nothing will change if our country cannot come together and work as one.

 

PINM - And how do you plan on doing that, Mr President?

 

Mr. President - As I stated in the debate, the Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal, we need to stop saying it and do something about it. We have nearly 43 million people living in poverty. 27% of Native Americans and 26% of the Black population live in poverty. How can they care about politics when they are just struggling to survive every day? You cannot tell me that they don't feel cheated and alienated. There is a lot of hostility there that needs to be addressed. So in short, getting as many Americans out of poverty will do wonders to unite us as a nation.

 

PINM - Excellent reply. It looks like we have a question from the audience, sir...

 

Man in the audience - *a man stands up, with an obviously fake mustache* "Hello, my name is Tay- LeBron James. I would like to ask you why you rigged the election and stole all the votes from Taylor Hruby! He had this thing in the bag and" *mic cuts out*

 

PINM - Somebody get that guy out of here! Sorry about that, Mr. President. We will screen the questions better next time. The American public wants free stuff. What free stuff are you offering us?

 

Mr. President - Security, let Mr. James stay, if that is his opinion of the election, he can certainly voice it. If the foul play you eluded to did exist, I think Mr. Hruby would have filed a lawsuit, and rather quickly. The fact is, that did not happen and there is no evidence to suggest it did. Now to answer your question. Nothing is in fact free, lets get that out of the way right away. Giving people things may seem like a fix for the short-term, but it will do nothing to solve any long-term problems. Once the giving runs out, we will be right back to where we started. What I will provide is knowledge and motivation to make the most of the opportunities we are presented with in this country.

 

PINM - I hear you're a golfer. Obama has come under fire for his golf habit, do you plan on golfing as much as you can? Our sources indicate that you backed out of the 2nd Annual Dudes and Bros Golf Extravaganza in June of last year. Was that due to external pressures or were you just trying to not spend time with all of your really good friends? Can you be trusted to golf ENOUGH while you're the president, Mr President?

 

Mr. President - That's correct, I do golf, although horribly. Certainly as president, there will be times when you just need to step back and clear your head. I did back out of the 2nd annual DABGE, I think if I was trying to avoid my friends I wouldn't have even participated in the first one. Sometimes life happens and you have to adapt to change. Depending on the time of year, I will be able to attend the tournament this year. I think spending time on the golf course is a great way to interact with the public and with my voters. However, I did read that Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. According to Small Business Man magazine. So I may be spending some time there too.

 

PINM - How much did Chili's pay you for that plug, Mr President?

 

Mr. President - They did pay and they paid handsomely, that is for sure. The payment was large, undisclosed financial donation to the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center of Fargo-Moorhead.

 

*Standing ovation from those in attendance*

 

PINM - You truly are a man of the people, Mr President. Do you have anything you'd like to add as we get close to wrapping this up?

 

Mr. President - I'm not doing this for me, I am doing this for the people. As many have been waiting for my VP appointment since my election, I have a very important announcement to make. I have that news your you today. This man is a great friend of mine, strong family man, and was also the second place finisher in this years election. Mr. Taylor Hruby, you are my pick for VP. I believe this choice will have overwhelming support from people of both parties. Even though we have different views, he was clearly the best choice to really help make a difference in this country. Thank you everyone for your time.

 

*"LeBron James" comes onto the stage and rips off the moustache*

 

Taylor Hruby - It was me, Taylor Hruby all along! I am embarrassed with how I handled myself earlier and I want to sincerely thank President Dickie for the consideration. I thought Steve Syrup had it in the bag, but I am confident that I am the man for the job!

 

PINM - Alright, that should do it. Thank you both for your time. Mr President, I want you to know that all of PINM and the nation, really, have the utmost faith in you and we look forward to your term.

 

Mr President - It has been a real pleasure.